Makeover #1 GENERAL SURGERY PERSONAL STATEMENT - Part II (Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3)

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As I sat under the Saharan sun during my Peace Corps service in West Underserved Country, I would dream about what it would be like to be a doctor one day. That vision recently came to fruition as I stared at my first suppurative appendix, in a patient’s abdomen I had opened;. I had teased out the culprit, and here we stood looking at each other[ you and the appendix? =) ]. The many years encompassing premedical studies, medical school, and now internship had prepared me as I had diagnosed my patient with acute appendicitis, and now I was ready to resolve the problem. As my attending guided me through the case, my satisfaction was unsurpassable – . I was on my way to becoming a surgeon.

My parents like to say they could sense my determination from the first cry I let out as a newborn. At age five I coaxed my father into letting me, instead of him; administer the vaccinations to the pigs he was raising. [I would leave out pig vaccinations. It doesn’t really make the writer appear to be a stronger surgery residency candidate] From there my aspirations of becoming a doctor thrived. However as a college senior I was disappointed when I was not accepted to medical school. [OK, Rule #1. Do not highlight negatives. They will not know the applicant applied even 20 times to med school. They MIGHT notice it if there is a big gap in your training, but maybe not. Don’t mention this. Instead, say you CHOSE to broaden your horizons first by going off to the Peace Corps! Sounds much more positive! As in pediatrics, go for positive reinforcement!] My ambition never wavered; I just adjusted my course and set off to learn new skills as a public health worker in West Africa. This flexibility and passion for life has allowed me to never let go of my dreams – and here I stand today: Dr. Tew. During my fourth year of medical school, intent on becoming a surgeon, I was disappointed not to obtain a categorical spot in general surgery. As I reach for that goal now,However my work as an intern at Big City Health Care [in what field? Transitional?] has colorfully illustrated that general surgery is indeed my career destination. I enjoy taking care of perioperative patients, learning about surgical cases and complications, and participating in the operating room as often as I can. As an important part of the resident team, I am able to communicate effectively with patients and peers, manage problems, and adhere to surgical duties even after long hours because of my adaptability and determination to do my best.

I will never forget the first midline celiotomy I assisted on as a third year medical student during my trauma rotation at Named Hospital. I watched as my female chief resident opened the gunshot victim’s abdomen with finesse and stamina akin to a sculptor shaping his finest art. While I have been told that great surgeons master their skill through training, I feel drawn to surgery because of my love of using my hands to create. Such is evident by the jewelry making entrepreneurship I managed while in medical school. I would craft jewelry pieces with beads from all over the world in my spare time between studies, each a puzzle that unfolded like the mosaic of my life. [Although this shows the candidate's love to work with your hands, I’m not sure how many surgeons are “in to” jewelry, so I’m not sure if this is a positive or not.] For Iin my pursuit of medicine, I have been able to traveltraveled the world and further my education in public health all because I have made my trials into tribulations by heeding the challenges that have presented themselves to me. As such, I will bring a wealth of life experience to a residency program, and the ability to communicate on many cultural levels, attributes necessary when encountered with patients that are especially challenging to care for.

My aspirations are to participate in a training program that optimizes in attainment of surgical knowledge and skill while promoting communication and total care of the patient. Currently, I am most intrigued by the bowel and therefore leaning towards a future in colorectal surgery, but I favor a program with a broad patient population and diverse team of surgeonssurgical team. Given my public health background, I am interested in pursuing clinical epidemiological research as a part of my graduate medical education. Further, I would like to find a program that embraces the less fortunate in other countries by providing opportunities for surgical staff and possibly residents abroad. My goal is to one day be a general surgeon who knows no boundaries in the care of her [these are YOUR patients!] my patients.

[The applicant has clearly stated a desire to pursue general surgery in a strong way. This is a very strong statement. Overall this statement does a good job explaining surgical aspirations, goals, and dreams. The main problem is that the writer has left in elements that do not make the candidate stand out as an applicant. Also, a significant negative is highlighted, and does not have to be. If you have been dropped from a program, or dismissed, or had other disciplinary action taken against you, then yes, you should talk about it. However, the fact that the applicant was not accepted to medical school the first time doesn't really matter.

Also, the applicant should build on the fact that he will have an additional year of internship experience. Since this is a residency application, it MIGHT be ok to say why the applicant didn’t get a spot last year. This may be a good idea if the prior year the applicant had somehow limited the rank list, or was otherwise limited in the application process.(geographic area) This might be important to mention because this info residency program directors will likely know. In addition, it may help highlight a good reason why the applicant should really have matched, but had limitations outside their control.

To help make a positive out of the fact that he did not match in general surgery, the applicant can state how the internship year will be spent further preparing for a career in general surgery. This will help showcase dedication to the field.]

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