Makeover #5 DERMATOLOGY PERSONAL STATEMENT - Part II (Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3)

AFTER (Comments)- Breathing New Life into this Personal Statement[Next Page]

“Can you take this thing off of my face?” my mother asks pleadingly. “Sure” I reply, thinking it will be easy. I tilt the lamp in our family room to shine directly on her face and take a look. There is a small white hard bump on her cheek. At 14 years of age, I am intrigued. She has several [several bumps?] and after several attempts herself, she is coming to me for help. After sterilizing the tip of a large safety pin, I open the surface of her skin until I successfully extract what I am after. I feel a rush of adrenaline with my success of the minor procedure. I would extract countless more skin lesions from my mother and siblings in the following years. Always feeling a sense of satisfaction after I help them to achieve clearer skin. At times, I catch myself scanning and feeling the surface of my loved ones skin in search for something that needs removal. Little did my mother know what interest she had peaked in me at such a young age.

This love of skin and its disorders drives me toward the Dermatology profession. My interest in the field helped me to focus on it during my medical school career. During my third year rotations, I directed my attention to dermatology related issues whenever possible. [Repetitive, given the statement before]I was extremely interested in the The viral exanthems and rashes of children in myduring my pediatrics rotation. I was drawn to ,the unusual skin lesions of pregnancy such as PUPPS and Herpes Gestationis , The the self-inflicted skin lesions present in the psychiatric population, and the dermatological presentations of systemic diseases in myof internal medicine rotation all fascinated me. [Why did these rashes fascinate the applicant? What more can the writer add into this personal statement to show a deep understanding ofthe profession of ermatology?] During my family medicine rotation, aware of my love for dermatology the Attendings attendings directed all their of the dermatology cases my way. I loved the challenge of diagnosing things my peers were unable to diagnosefound puzzling . [Don’t want to seem arrogant, that the writer is superior to peer medical students]

Now that I am in aduring my Dermatopathology rotation, I have learned a new aspect of Dermatology that excites me. To biopsy a lesion with clinical suspicion only to have it confirmed/refuted by histological findings is the perfect clinical-pathologic marriage. [Why is this giving the writer a feeling of satisfaction?—is it get the satisfaction of know you’re right? Is it because you can with certainty make the diagnosis?]I have enjoyed this ideal and am leaning towards a Dermatopathology Fellowship upon the completion of my Dermatology Residency. My dedication and love for this field will make me an asset to the profession. –[These paragraphs belong towards the end of the PS, since it is reagrding the career/after residency]

[This paragraph does not lead-in from the next. This one seems kind of “dropped in” and not flowing with previous ones.] Numerous life experiences have prepared me for this field. Traveling across the country as a leader for 35 teenagers, working as a Resident Assistant in a college dormitory and acting as a camp counselor for several summers at an active mountain range camp exemplify my ability to work well with others. The oldest of four children, I have taken on the role of being responsible and a leader in my life. I have been a mentor to a young child for the past several years, which has greatly impacted both her and I. Dedication to my goals and the hard work to follow it through are demonstrated by my active involvement in several research projects. I follow through to the completion of projects. [Outside of medicine, I found my personal growth and life changes while …I could tell you about the time I went whitewater rafting down the Snake River, or about the time I went water skiing on Lake Tahoe or about the time I hikedand hiking through Bryce Canyon. All of these experiences were exhilarating and life altering, andThese extracurricular activities help to encompass the person I am. I am not only adventurous and easy to get along with but I am also a dedicated hard worker who pays attention to details.

In a sense, I am still like that 14-year-old girl, fascinated by her mothers’ skin and the ability to make it better. I strive for excellence and personal growth in my life. I empathize with the pruritic lesions of atopic dermatitis, painful lesions of bullous pemphigous and the emotionally scarring lesions of acne. The desire to treat and heal these lesions with their accompanying medical and social problemsalong with numerous other skin diseases along with my life experiences will make me a successful Dermatologist.drive me to become a successful dermatologist.

[ Overall,the framework for the PS is good. It is probably NOT a good idea to start with this introduction regarding experiences as a 14 year old.

It may seem cliché or somewhat naïve that as a 14yo girl because the applicant helped with family skin problems, that was the biggest driving force to becoming a dermatologist. Too many writers start by talking about a sick parent or grandparent. If that paragraph is kept, the Fool would probably shorten it, and try to focus more on later experiences that drove the applicant to dermatology residency. For the clinical rotations paragraph, we would like to hear more about why those rashes/lesions were important, not just the fact that each specialty had dermatologic manifestations.

Also, program directors haven’t heard enough about why precisely you want to pursue derm. We like in your conclusion how you say that the lesions of acne are emotionally scarring. Perhapsthis aspect can be added in and other more general aspects of derm and patient care in a previous paragraph.]

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